Today I have a special guest post from, Eric! This is in response to my posts a while back about the what infertility feels like. This is Eric’s response to that
A while back ago, Sarah wrote a two part article discussing the emotional tolls that our struggles with infertility have brought to our lives. Reading these articles was difficult for me as it exposed the hurt and pain that she so valiantly tries to hide.
Sarah and I are approaching the 12 year mark of our relationship. We met in college, young and vibrant and our lives directly in front of us. I was 23, she was 18 and we were both coming into this relationship with our own secrets, issues and struggles. I was searching for myself and who I should be. This was something that I had a lot of trouble with.
My family is great. They share love and support and are always willing to help us out. However, my family could not be more different from me. Athletics and adventure was always a big staple of the household. My dad was an athlete, my mom played softball and my sister was set to be a scholarship basketball player at college. I was a nerdy, artistic, gamer dork. I always felt out of place. The only thing that I felt that I had in common with my father was the desire to be a great dad.
When Sarah and I spoke about having a family, I made mention of this. I told her this was a goal in life. Unfortunately, I had no idea the pressure that this would later bring. I could not foresee the struggles we would have in this area.
Getting married six years ago was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I had finally obtained a good job, we were living on our own and stable. Everything that I had ever wanted was now in my grasp. But she didn’t see this. She continued to see that comment that I needed a child to be happy. I had no idea that my comment had twisted itself into a statement of my dissatisfaction.
Over the years, I have talked with her about this. I need her to know how important she is. I want her to love herself, to understand how beautiful she is, to truly feel what is my reality… That without her I have nothing.
My struggles with infertility center around my inability to change anything. Sarah feels the weight of this everyday. I am not a woman, and cannot understand what the potential inability to give birth to a child may mean, that does not mean that I am not aware of the pain. Everyday, I see pain and anguish that I cannot fix. This tears me up more than she will ever know.
She often says that she feels its her fault. That if “SHE” could have kids, this would be a different life. I want her to know, and for you readers to know, that “WE” face this infertility issue together. That “HER” issues are “OUR” issues. She is not in this alone.
